Okay, this appears to be a conglomeration of two different memes, each of which I have done several times over. However, I am both a sucker and a nerd, and this is changed enough to be something new. So here goes.
IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE? So, here's how it works: 1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc) 2. Put it on shuffle 3. Press play 4. For every question, type the song that's playing 5. When you go to a new question, press the next button NO CHEATING
Opening Credits: "Gimmie Gimmie Gimmie" - Black Flag (Nice-- Appropriately badass)
Waking Up: "Peg And Awl" - Carolina Tar Heels (Appalaichian folk stuff-- Not entirely unfitting. And a pretty hilarious transition from Black Flag)
First Day At School: "New Pollution" - Beck (Works well enough)
Falling In Love: "Radio Hour 6/14/70 - Part 1 of 4" - Firesign Theatre (This would just be confusing. Which I guess is perversely appropriate.)
Fight Song: "Shiny Things" - Tom Waits (Apparently, I'm a pretty mellow fighter)
Breaking Up: "Climbing Up The Walls" - Radiohead (Meh-- I'd like to think I wouldn't listen to something quite that mopey.
Prom: "3.38" - The Pop Group (I like this one-- Apparently, my prom was held in an early 80s post-punk dance club)
Life's OK: "Talk About Fucking, Side 2" - Big Black (I guess this works-- I like listening to jokey Steve Albini interviews when life's OK)
Mental Breakdown: "Navajo Shizhanee" - Albert G. Sandoval Jr. & Ray Winnie (An actual Native American field recording-- Fitting, in an experimental film sorta way)
Driving: "The Taster (Fancy Version)" - Wild Man Fischer (This has actually occurred more times than I can count)
Flashback: "Ali Baba's Camel" - Bonzo Dog Band (Evidently, I was an Arabian outlaw earlier in the narrative.)
Getting Back Together: "X Offender" - Blondie (HOLY HELL THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER. Listen to the song if you don't get it)
Wedding: "A Danger To Myself And Others" - MST3K (Nice-- Hillbilly weddings make any movie awesome)
Amazing Hot Sex Porno Scene: "Cancelled Check" - Beck (Funny... The only ones that uniformly don't work with my iTunesare the love/sex ones...)
Birth of Child: "Say It Loud (I'm Black And I'm Proud) Part 1" - James Brown (Wow-- This is almost as awesome as "X Offender")
Final Battle: "Blinded By You" - Starlight Mints (Almost works, but not really)
Death Scene: "Cockeye" - Deadbolt (It's hard to express how awesome this one is, because I don't know how many people reading this know this song. Suffice to say, it's a guy screaming taunts and threats in a vague accent over a surf riff. DOWNLOAD IT RIGHT NOW.)
Funeral Song: "Take This Job And Shove It" - Dead Kennedys (I sincerely hope and pray that this is played at my actual funeral)
End Credits: "Mr. Clean" jingle (...and, my life has corporate sponsorship. Awesome!)
The lesson: Michael Richards' only real mistake was not being funny.
Or maybe just not being Bill Hicks.
But then Seinfeld would be a very different show.
UPDATE: More here, from the same show. The more I see, the more convinced I am that this whole thing is simply a case of Richards making the fatal (and probably not uncommon) mistake of trying to emulate Hicks without posessing the articulate-anger chops to pull it off. Sad, really.
Okay... I acknowledge that I have a tendency to write hyperventilating posts about esoteric subjects that mean little to all but one or two people who read this journal. This entry, however, is a little different. It is entirely possible (maybe even probable) that this will mean nothing to anybody reading this.
For those of you who weren't up on your early-90s failed fad toys, Monster In My Pocket was a series of tiny, rubbery, monochromatic monster figurines, distributed in packs of various sizes and assigned "point" levels, ostensibly to boost their collectibility. What made the series remarkable (beyond the profoundly badass sculpts) is that it wasn't a tie-in to any sort of cartoon, nor were the monsters made up on the fly. Each of the monsters was based on a genuine, folkloric beast, and rendered with remarkable accuracy to the source material. In addition to the standards (vampire, ghost, mummy), the series included monsters from Norse mythology (Kraken, the Jotun Troll), Hinduism (Kali), supposedly actual people (Spring-Heeled Jack, the Mad Gasser of Mattoon), and the Bible (Behemoth, the Great Beast), with a tyrannosaurus rex thrown in for good measure. It was a surprisingly brainy concept for a toy line from the people who later brought us Mighty Max. And since, perhaps oddly, I had been reading all that stuff for years by age six (well, apart from the Bible), I was all over that shit.
I have little gauge of how popular these toys were anywhere else, but in my circle of friends in kindergarten and first grade, these things were huge; this might just have been a result of my refusal to shut up about them, but I'm pretty sure I was actually turned onto them by another friend, so I might have just been in a monster-friendly hot pocket. In any event, we spent an inordinate amount of time collecting these things, discussing them, pretending to be them (I was usually the griffin, but could also rock the cockatrice or hobgoblin), and trading them (either for monsters we didn't have, or for better colors of ones we did). Still, even then I had the feeling that the Monsters weren't a universal fad, and after a couple of years of hoping that series 2 and 3 would show up at Child World in Fitchburg, I eventually moved on.
So you might be able to comprehend my astonishment that, over 15 years later, they're actually back. Even more shockingly, most of the new monsters are updated versions of the original line-ups, albeit with paint-jobs, more intricate sculpts, and added gothic flair (Also, some of the more religiously oriented monsters have been renamed; this is presumably out of cultural sensitivity, though I question whether renaming the Chinese monkey god from "Hanuman" to "Monkeyman" really accomplishes that). Sadly, they seem to be currently only available in the UK, though their website promises that North American retailers are "coming soon."
Does anyone else remember these things? Were they anywhere near the phenomenon-status that we gave them?
Gad, it's been a while since I've posted anything of substance. As luck would have it, I actually have multiple topics of substance that I could easily write decent, thought-provoking pieces on. But, as it turns out, I am lazy, so instead here's another snotty, indulgent theory about musical minutiae.
My theory is this: I think that music should be free, but despite the prevalent attitudes in the types of people who make up snotty musical theories, I don't think all music should necessarily be free. I just think there's some music we shouldn't have to pay for. I don't mean this as a judgment call against CDs that I don't think are worth anything; rather, I'm talking about the music that we as a culture have moved beyond the need to pay money for, and which is, at this point, frankly immoral to demand money for in certain situations.
Here's an example: I think all homes should come with a pre-installed faucet that does nothing but play Miles Davis' Kind of Blue when turned on. There should be a hotline you can call to get free replacements of any Beatles album. Every shitty "teach yourself acoustic guitar" booklet should be allowed to print any Bob Dylan song in the exact same old-timey font they use for "Froggy Went A-Courtin'." Every new car with a CD player should come with a copy of the Beach Boys' Surfer Girl, and every used car should come with Led Zeppelin II. High school nurses should be authorized to prescribe Velvet Underground & Nico, Never Mind the Bollocks, and Nevermind on a case-by-case basis (one could probably argue the inclusion of a Smiths album on that list, but I personally can't condone such medical procedures). Every dorm-room welcome basket should include the Pixies' Doolittle, except at UMass Amherst, where Trompe Le Monde may be substituted.
Anyone think of any others? If we get this list long enough, I guarantee you we can get it passed as an amendment. I'm not even going to cover my ass with a footnote disclaimer. I unconditionally guarantee.
It's time once again for that most anticipated entertainment event of the year: the new college radio season! Starting tomorrow, you'll be able to hear me every Wednesday evening from 10PM to midnight on WRBB for Gonorrhea Gone Awry!, which, if you'll recall, was my original, rejected title for my WECB show waaay the fuck back in freshman year. Cyclical, indeed.
This go round, I figure I'm just gonna throw all pretense to the wind, go full-on freeform, and play whatever the fuck I want; when Greg asked me how to sum up my show on the schedule, we finally settled on "Rock 'n' roll, circus music, and pestilence." What should make this really interesting, though, is that my show this semester immediately follows Strongarm Radio, the all-local-hardcore show which, I'm told, attracts droves of listeners of the high-school-hardcore variety. I shall keep you updated on any and all clashes and/or conversions.
So, to reiterate: Gonorrhea Gone Awry. Wednesdays. Ten to midnight. WRBB. Right after Strongarm Radio. Pestilence. Yeah.
Oh, and for any of you having difficulty picturing me in a clean room (which includes me, frankly), this is a pretty accurate visual approximation. Probably too accurate for comfort, really.
Also, before I forget, I feel I need to share this snippet of dialogue, overheard between two young teen boys perusing the Summer Reading table at Barnes & Noble:
BOY #1: How about Fahrenheit 451?
BOY #2: Nah, we can't. It's on the restricted list!
I really like this headline. Not in the usual, cynical way, though. I like reading it like Bush is emphasizing the word "us" instead of talking about the United States. "I've made US safer. What the hell's YOUR problem?!"
Okay, I realize this is insanely short notice. There is a reason for that. That reason is that, uh, we all forgot about it too. But anyway, how would you like to go to a Demons of Stupidity show tomorrow???
Tomorrow night, the Demons will be playing a party for a bunch of exiting Barnes & Noble employees at Daisy Buchanan's on Newbury Street. Daisy's is a bar, so if you're a young'n, you may have trouble getting in, but it's worth a shot. We, uh... we don't know what time we're playing as of yet, because, as previously stated, we fucking forgot about this. Watch this space-- It will (presumably) be updated with specifics within the next 24 hours.
This will be... an interesting show. We may or may not have amplification. We may or may not have any guitars. We may or may not be outside. We are D.I.Y. as fuck. Stay tuned-- with any luck, we'll figure some of this out before showtime.
I'd be lying if I claimed myself to be any sort of spiritual person. But sometimes I find myself overtaken by impulses that are so seemingly out of the blue, and that yield such magical results, that I can't help but attribute them to some sort of higher power.
Like last night. I couldn't tell you just what inspired me to search the internet for Blind Melon-related fan art, but rather than question the urge, I made it my mission. For about twenty minutes, nothing else mattered. After all, how else would I have found this little masterwork?
Jesus is, presumably, whistling "No Rain."
You can find more here, though nothing quite as astounding (and, sadly, none featuring the bee girl). The poetry's pretty rich, though, particularly Melonhed's "12 Steps of Pain and Happiness." Step 10 is "We stay melonized forever."
In other news, I am currently drinking grape Tang from a tiki mug. I am swank as fuck.
If you had a conversation with me about spring break in the last couple of weeks, it probably went something like this:
YOU: So, are you doing anything for spring break? ME: Uh, not that I can think of... Oh! Wait! I'm pretty sure I'm going to Atlantic City! YOU: Are you serious? What are you doing in Atlantic City? ME: I dunno... Try a casino, find some outdated arcades... YOU: Wow... Where are you staying? ME: (laughing hysterically) The fucking Tropicana!
Well, I'm back, and I can safely say that the trip kicked all sorts of ass. The company was great, the city was as gonzo as I'd hoped, and I managed to eat the equivalent of an entire cow. Because it's late and a full narrative would take longer than I'm willing to invest, here are...
What's this? A Demons plug thinly disguised as a journal entry? In Oscar's Livejournal? Surely you jest!
Anyway, this is actually pretty cool. On Friday (Nov. 11th, if you wanna be that way about it), we'll be playing at our buddy Brian Bergeron's CD release party, at AfterHours (over on the Northeastern campus). We'll be going on last-- prolly 'round 11 o'clock-- but you should come earlier, because it should be cool (Doors are at 9, I b'lieve). If you don't go to Northeastern and would like to show your pretty little face, either let us know as soon as possible, or piggyback on a friend who goes to the school. Rock!
Oh, and if you haven't checked out DemonsOfStupidity.net, you totally should. It's all pretty and shit.
Gad, this thing's devolving into a shameless self-promotion blog. I swear, I'll post some trivial shit again soon. But in the meantime, why not tune into WRBB tonight (or subsequent Thursdays) from midnight to 3 AM for Looking For Foot-Foot, a show of DIY, outsider, lo-fi, and all-around underground stuff, "officially" hosted by Andy and co-hosted by Stacey and myself! Oh, and if you contact us at the station, remember the party line: I am an art major at Northeastern University.
(And yeah, I realize the irony in the fact that I go to a school with the biggest college radio station in the country, and I go off campus to do my show. Next semester, I swear I'll get my applications in on time)
Walking down Boylston Street today, I heard a man screaming into his cell-phone, "No! She'll jump on you, and you'll get knocked to the ground, and you won't be able to get back up!" That was the third coolest thing that happened to me today. The second was the fantasy I immediately entertained, in which the person on the other end of that conversation was a Koopa Troopa.
The coolest thing I saw today-- and in the running for the coolest thing I've ever seen-- is this movie trailer. I know that movie made me feel warm and fuzzy...
So, uh, yeah. We have a new site-- One with a URL that doesn't take five minutes to tell someone! Mad props to Colin, for hosting and designing it. Watch for updates, kids!
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92.1){kind=small}
shocked
